Post by saladfingers on Apr 18, 2006 2:07:30 GMT -5
Just something I made while listening to Coldplay's The Scientist and Clocks... hence the unoriginal title.
I'm not so confident with the quality of this one, since it was written haphazardly because I felt like the more thought I put into it the more messed up it sounded. The rough draft of this one is so screwed up, it's not even funny. I kept going in circles with my thoughts. So if after reading this you feel like I wasted your time, don't whine. Or I'm gonna bitch slap you!
Enjoy... or maybe not. Fuck you, I don't care. ;D
Clocks
By Ghindie
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
***
My fears are not measured by the height of the ground I am standing on, nor is it about the lack of light in a room. I do not tremble over stupid, creepy bugs whose life is easily put to an end by a mere stomp of the foot. My greatest fear I tell you, is Time.
I fear it... So much.
I recall sitting in a hospital bed gripping the aging hand of someone I hold dear. Then in one unexpected moment, I feel her slipping away. The very essence of life gradually seeping out of her. I watch with a deep sense of sorrow as the once radiant color of her skin turn into ashen gray. Her once gentle embrace turning into a stiff grip. Her infectious smile slowly fading into a thin line and eventually into a perpetual sneer.
The culprit? Time, of course.
That is why with each passing day I gaze at the faces of those I love… fearing, trembling and shaking over one thought… When will Time decide to betray me and take them away? No body knows. So here I stand in a darkened room, drowning in cold sweat, teeth shattering in terror, blindly awaiting the inevitable. The other part of me scorns me in my cowardice. Asking, mocking why I fear something as predictable as Time. Because Time is like Fate – expected but always surprising when it actually happens. At any second now Time will knock at my door, with Death by its side. Both grinning like mad men. Both wanting nothing more than to collect the souls of those I love.
Time is a phantom that steals and destroys. And ultimately it shall kill me too.
And so I fear it gravely.
And yet…
I worship Time.
I adore it with my entire grieving self. It has, without fail, aided me in mending wounds left by tragedies. With its reassuring hands, Time has healed my aches into gradually fading scars.
Time has been my one constant companion. A ray of hope when all seemed dim. An encouraging friend who sits by me and promises a better tomorrow. Time was, is, will be my steady rod. Always.
How could I not love Time?
It has molded me into a better person. Patiently showing me the error of my ways, hoping that I could learn from them. Time has taught me more than I could ever hope for. It has gently pulled me back to my feet when my past has so cruelly run me to the ground. It tenderly wipes the mud from my bruised knees and reassures me to wait... Wait for everything to turn our for the better. And it did. It always has. Time has never lied to me.
And so I love it unconditionally.
And yet...
I despise Time.
I wish to diminish my years… to be a child once again. I long to wash fifteen years of lies and malice and my unconscious submission into the evils of the human ways. Is it too much to ask to be once again reduced to a stuttering toddler, who, with wide eyes hungrily take in all of life’s wonders with unconcealed avidity? I hate my present self. A teenager who tries so hard to fit in, to make a difference. A person too consumed with self-gratification. I hate Time. It has altered me without my permission.
Regrettably, no one seems to share this sentiment. Everybody seems intent to push the forward button; craving so much to hide their insecurities with the number of their years, reasoning out that with age a person wises up. But do we really?
They say being of legal age is a dream come true. A period in a person’s life when you can be free. Only then can you have a true taste of freedom. But that is not freedom, only a miniscule fragment of it; a glimpse of a great thing withheld by the adult world. Freedom for me is being able to speak your mind without inhibitions, without pretensions, without a care for the world. Unadulterated living, that’s what a child’s life is. A child manages to smile even when in the most perilous situation. Could I have managed the same feat now? No. Of course, I couldn’t. Time has taught me to fear. Taught me to grieve, to cry, to be materialistic and most importantly to hate.
They also say a child’s happiness is hollow – a shallow emotion based on ignorance. But I don’t agree, because for me a child knows everything. They see beyond the physical limitations of this world. They see a sparkle of enchantment in every pallet of the rainbow, when the rest of us see nothing but a myriad of intertwined sunrays. They hold a wisdom not corrupted by time, by human society nor by arrogance. A wisdom which I seek… A wisdom Time has so unfairly denied me.
I hate time.
Rebirth. I desire that. More than anything, I desire that. To see everything again for the first time, touching and rediscovering everything with open admiration. Because you see Time has dimmed my memories. What did my past self feel when I first laid my eyes on the beauty of a mid-afternoon rain? What surge of emotions pervaded my entire being as I watched the red sun begin its magestic descent, and give way to its gloomy counterpart? I want to be taken back in Time and experience everything all over again, but this time with complete awareness of everything.
With eighteen years behind me, I try grasping at the flailing arms of Time. Desperately struggling to still it’s rapid passing with my fingers. But of course, I fail. Time has fled me, leaving in its wake nothing but the deafening echoes of its mocking laughter. I sneer at its retreating form.
And so I hate it with a burning passion.
And yet...
Fear. Hate. Love.
Three powerful human emotions meshed into one conflicting realization. I feel all these emotions battling for supremacy. Who should I allow to dominate? Shall I allow myself to be naïve and let love reign. Or should I scowl in anger and let rage take over? Guided only by a pulsating human brain, I can not decide. For the life of me, I can't seem to come to a decision. For how could I love, fear or hate something I could not completely comprehend? Time is an all-encompassing entity. One can never decide what to make of it. But despite its complexity, Time can be reduced to a simple equation, if you let it…
Time equals Change, with Life and Death in brackets on either side.
Regardless of what everyone feels, Time carries on. The only consolation it has to offer is that it all boils down to perception. After all, Time is but a state of mind.
I'm not so confident with the quality of this one, since it was written haphazardly because I felt like the more thought I put into it the more messed up it sounded. The rough draft of this one is so screwed up, it's not even funny. I kept going in circles with my thoughts. So if after reading this you feel like I wasted your time, don't whine. Or I'm gonna bitch slap you!
Enjoy... or maybe not. Fuck you, I don't care. ;D
***
Clocks
By Ghindie
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
***
My fears are not measured by the height of the ground I am standing on, nor is it about the lack of light in a room. I do not tremble over stupid, creepy bugs whose life is easily put to an end by a mere stomp of the foot. My greatest fear I tell you, is Time.
I fear it... So much.
I recall sitting in a hospital bed gripping the aging hand of someone I hold dear. Then in one unexpected moment, I feel her slipping away. The very essence of life gradually seeping out of her. I watch with a deep sense of sorrow as the once radiant color of her skin turn into ashen gray. Her once gentle embrace turning into a stiff grip. Her infectious smile slowly fading into a thin line and eventually into a perpetual sneer.
The culprit? Time, of course.
That is why with each passing day I gaze at the faces of those I love… fearing, trembling and shaking over one thought… When will Time decide to betray me and take them away? No body knows. So here I stand in a darkened room, drowning in cold sweat, teeth shattering in terror, blindly awaiting the inevitable. The other part of me scorns me in my cowardice. Asking, mocking why I fear something as predictable as Time. Because Time is like Fate – expected but always surprising when it actually happens. At any second now Time will knock at my door, with Death by its side. Both grinning like mad men. Both wanting nothing more than to collect the souls of those I love.
Time is a phantom that steals and destroys. And ultimately it shall kill me too.
And so I fear it gravely.
And yet…
I worship Time.
I adore it with my entire grieving self. It has, without fail, aided me in mending wounds left by tragedies. With its reassuring hands, Time has healed my aches into gradually fading scars.
Time has been my one constant companion. A ray of hope when all seemed dim. An encouraging friend who sits by me and promises a better tomorrow. Time was, is, will be my steady rod. Always.
How could I not love Time?
It has molded me into a better person. Patiently showing me the error of my ways, hoping that I could learn from them. Time has taught me more than I could ever hope for. It has gently pulled me back to my feet when my past has so cruelly run me to the ground. It tenderly wipes the mud from my bruised knees and reassures me to wait... Wait for everything to turn our for the better. And it did. It always has. Time has never lied to me.
And so I love it unconditionally.
And yet...
I despise Time.
I wish to diminish my years… to be a child once again. I long to wash fifteen years of lies and malice and my unconscious submission into the evils of the human ways. Is it too much to ask to be once again reduced to a stuttering toddler, who, with wide eyes hungrily take in all of life’s wonders with unconcealed avidity? I hate my present self. A teenager who tries so hard to fit in, to make a difference. A person too consumed with self-gratification. I hate Time. It has altered me without my permission.
Regrettably, no one seems to share this sentiment. Everybody seems intent to push the forward button; craving so much to hide their insecurities with the number of their years, reasoning out that with age a person wises up. But do we really?
They say being of legal age is a dream come true. A period in a person’s life when you can be free. Only then can you have a true taste of freedom. But that is not freedom, only a miniscule fragment of it; a glimpse of a great thing withheld by the adult world. Freedom for me is being able to speak your mind without inhibitions, without pretensions, without a care for the world. Unadulterated living, that’s what a child’s life is. A child manages to smile even when in the most perilous situation. Could I have managed the same feat now? No. Of course, I couldn’t. Time has taught me to fear. Taught me to grieve, to cry, to be materialistic and most importantly to hate.
They also say a child’s happiness is hollow – a shallow emotion based on ignorance. But I don’t agree, because for me a child knows everything. They see beyond the physical limitations of this world. They see a sparkle of enchantment in every pallet of the rainbow, when the rest of us see nothing but a myriad of intertwined sunrays. They hold a wisdom not corrupted by time, by human society nor by arrogance. A wisdom which I seek… A wisdom Time has so unfairly denied me.
I hate time.
Rebirth. I desire that. More than anything, I desire that. To see everything again for the first time, touching and rediscovering everything with open admiration. Because you see Time has dimmed my memories. What did my past self feel when I first laid my eyes on the beauty of a mid-afternoon rain? What surge of emotions pervaded my entire being as I watched the red sun begin its magestic descent, and give way to its gloomy counterpart? I want to be taken back in Time and experience everything all over again, but this time with complete awareness of everything.
With eighteen years behind me, I try grasping at the flailing arms of Time. Desperately struggling to still it’s rapid passing with my fingers. But of course, I fail. Time has fled me, leaving in its wake nothing but the deafening echoes of its mocking laughter. I sneer at its retreating form.
And so I hate it with a burning passion.
And yet...
Fear. Hate. Love.
Three powerful human emotions meshed into one conflicting realization. I feel all these emotions battling for supremacy. Who should I allow to dominate? Shall I allow myself to be naïve and let love reign. Or should I scowl in anger and let rage take over? Guided only by a pulsating human brain, I can not decide. For the life of me, I can't seem to come to a decision. For how could I love, fear or hate something I could not completely comprehend? Time is an all-encompassing entity. One can never decide what to make of it. But despite its complexity, Time can be reduced to a simple equation, if you let it…
Time equals Change, with Life and Death in brackets on either side.
Regardless of what everyone feels, Time carries on. The only consolation it has to offer is that it all boils down to perception. After all, Time is but a state of mind.
Time is anything but. But it is also everything.
The End
The End